On friday night i had the massive honour of not only being present but to be nominated for a Gazette Community Champions Award. As usual i really did not want to attend as i get my usual anxious moments about going to public functions. I know it isn’t rational to get in such away but it is a big part of my life. The fact that i never really want to go anywhere socially, i feel so uncomfortable, as i have done since an incident some 7 years ago now.
I must thank Jody my partner for putting up with me and also managing to stay calm even whilst i become a petulant annoying so and so for the hour before the event or even going out. It is the usual scenario that once i am there i throw myself into what ever situation it maybe and know one would ever believe the story i am telling.
As i arrived at the awards i noticed the amount of people in posh looking attire but also the amount of real people who did in my mind look like i probably look in my head. Not totally comfortable in their surroundings, but enjoying the occasion. We were shown to the table and i have to say i was lucky to be in the company of some really amazing people, including two award winners that evening. Eveyone had an amazing story to tell and i felt totally humbled to be in their presence. As i read the event booklet and the stories of everyone who had been nominated i felt physically buoyed by their individual stories of courage and triumph over adversity.
The first people who i was lucky enough to meet was Paul and Sue Waugh, with Paul winning the commnuity champion award. Paul has fundraised for over twenty years and been a big part of his community. It put me at ease straight away and we talked about the activities we had undertook. Sue commented i was reminded her of Paul twenty years ago, i obviously took this as a massive compliment. Paul has recently undertook challenges on stilts and i am very interested. I think that they are worried about us both getting together and letting our own minds wander. Through the evening i spoke a lot to Sue and Paul and there story was very inspiring, with Paul sharing his own battle with depression. Once again you see strong people capable of so much just like me and Paul who have had such a battle with depression. Hopefully more sharing of tales like Paul’s can continue to break the stigma that exists.
We were also joined by Gemma Moore and her family who were all lovely and great fun on what must have been the a tough evening. Gemma’s young son McKenzie has had a really tough start to life and as i write this is in hospital at the moment. Suffering with epilepsy, partially sighted and also with water on the brain, McKenzie and has continually fought with amazing support from Gemma who is only 18. We have been invited to there own fundraising event next month and i am really looking forward to going and meeting up with such wonderful people.
I often question eveything i do and wonder why i put so much pressure on myself to do the things i do in life. I often feel like i let people down because i attempt so much. I don’t even know if it is possible half the time. But last night lifted me up to the ceiling to be around such people and to have those people talk to myself in the same way is just unbelievable. I know why i do what i do and it is to make myself happy. Giving to others is one way of finding happiness. I never feel like it is anything of note, because it feels so natural. The things i think i don’t need like fancy cars, houses or possessions are proven to be even more irrelevant than they were before. People are what matter and what make the world and on Teesside there are some people as good as any in the world.
When it came to my award that evening i was ecstatic to be even mentioned in the same breath as the other finalists. Both had lost people very close to themselves and had shown true courage to not only carry on, but to make a difference to other peoples lives. I was honoured to stand by the side of winners Richard and Tracy Clarke who set up Abbies Love in memory of their daughter who lost her life to epilepsy. I was so humbled to be able to stand and chat with them both and share a drink with Richard later in the evening. Heroes are not in the places you sometimes find them, but i was surrounded by them last night.
Later in the evening i was quite emotional to hear of my old rugby friend Geoff Waterfield being spoken of in exactly the way he should be spoken of, as a legend. I knew Geoff through rugby and had the pleasure of playing with Geoff together for Stockton RFC. During that time we both shared quite a lot of time on the bench together and as a young lad it was great to have someone like Geoff around to keep you feeling well. Later on we played together for a great vet’s team called the Masham , which is the greatest example of what sport is all about, camrederie, respect and friendship. I never knew Geoff in his day job role and you would never of known of the pressure he must have been under, but only that the area and the plant was part of him. I now have the front page of the gazette on my wall with Geoff on the front page. Next to my other hereos that i look to when i need to pick myself up once more.
It was also nice to be able to pay my respects to Geoff’s wife Cheryl. I really wanted to go to the funeral but didn’t due to my problems with drinking. I am not sure i would have stayed on the right track in such circumstances. I think back to when my good friend Ian Maul passed away and the emotion of his funeral, knocked me back onto the drink after a year of abstince. When it feels like exactly the right thing to do, to share in a few beers,well a copious amount of beer.
PEOPLE = LIFE / HAPPINESS
Near the end of the evening i also got the chance to meet David “DJ” Jamily who was made famous in the area through the secret millionaire. I went asked for a photo with him and i mentioned it was an honour to meet him, He told me the pleasure was all his, even coming over later to meet Jody and buy me a drink. It did make me feel really good to be thought of in a good way by such people as David. I suppose i spend a lot of my time wanting to people to like me. My insecurities are often well hidden through my super confident mask that is my public persona.
I would also like to thank Jody my partner for being with me and sticking by everything i put her through. It is certainly not easy living with a bi-polar suffering workaholic who is never contented and most of the time in a foul mood. YOU ARE FANTASTIC
Also to the people who have helped me for so long, there is so many that i can’t start to write them as i couldn’t miss anyone. I am possibly a figure head who quite often gets the plaudits for the work of many. I think ideas and a great amount of people rally round and make them come reality. The guy’s who work for BCT and especially Clare and Michael who work tirelessly pretty much seven days a week. Even without payment or even redunancy they have contiued to support me and help us make a small difference in our community. We get small moments like when on Friday we took four kids from Pathways school to Billingham Golf Club for their dinner. They are good kids who are worthy of such a treat, rough edges can hide the most amazing diamonds. I gain as much from them as they will ever get from me. Lifting me up every time i get the chance to work with them. The phoenix programme is building a fantastic project and the world better watch out for NORTH EAST FITNESS IN THE COMMUNITY, there ideas are as good as any businessmen. We shared a meal and Jase, responded to me when i said this was our first business meeting that one day we would be on the top floor of that funny building in London.
DREAM = Futures
IS EUROPE THAT BIG REALLY ????
